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Sex… In Space

February 8, 2012 Leave a comment

If you’ve thought about sex in space as much as I have, or even if you haven’t (which is probable) you should really read this post on the Orbiting Frog blog.

I’ll tell you, I am excited to learn that, contrary to popular belief, there is no evidence that any humans have actually banged in space, leaving the world’s greatest pick up line (“You want to boldly go where no one has gone before?”) up for grabs.

Categories: Adventure Tags: ,

Bridge To Nowhere

January 19, 2012 Leave a comment

In the swamps in southern Ocean County, on the mainland side of the Barnegat Bay, there’s a dirt road that takes off eastward from an otherwise empty stretch. It’s a bit after the American Legion, and about a mile before the porn shop. After rattling your way down this unmantained isthmus, suddenly there was a mound in front of you. I only ever tried this at night, but it sure seemed to come out of nowhere. There are steps that lead up to a wooden platform. It’s a foot bridge about 6 feet wide, over one of the tributaries that criss cross the swamp.

The strange thing about this bridge is that there’s really nothing on the other side. If you walk across, there’s another short set of stairs that… leads you right into the marsh. There are no paths on the east side of this bridge. Just waist high swamp grass. Other than a couple of radio towers and the LBI bridge in the distance, it’s about as remote as you can get in the most densely populated state in the union.

This was one of my favorite out-of-the-way spots in New Jersey. I’ve seen sunrises from there. I’ve drank whiskey. I’ve shot off model rockets, almost been thrown into the river, confronted wasted rednecks, and wandered into the dried out swamps during a drought. To make our mark, sometimes we would bring chalk or magic markers and scrawl phrases that meant something at the time. The locals who probably went out there to fish the next day must have had no clue what these writings meant. We didn’t mean them to be graffiti. We just wanted to leave a little something permanent.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing permanent out there. The Bridge To Nowhere burnt down several times. The last I heard they gave up rebuilding it.

You should still be able to make it out there. The remains of the bridge are nearly as beautiful as it was in it’s prime. It used to symbolize the temptation of wandering into the unknown. Now you can go and think about what it’s like to see a while other world that’s just out of reach. Either way it’s a good place for some writers to go drink by moonlight.

Telling you all this is really an excuse to play the song Bridge To Nowhere by the Stone Lonesome, featuring vocals by Zach Jones, one of my favorite local musicians. I can only assume this is the spot he’s singing about. How many places like this can there be?

Categories: Adventure, Music

The Organ

Hammond Organ

My neighbors are going to hate me.

On Friday night, I went to Joe Harvard’s Rock ‘n Talk in Asbury. Joe had apparently told Mark that he had seen a church organ sitting on the side of the road somewhere down Bond St. Treasure like this is hard to leave alone. As soon as he told me, we were out the door.

We didn’t have much in the way of directions. Bond St only goes in one way from where we started, but it goes on for a couple of miles until it hits Deal Lake. All we knew was that it was outside of a church.

A waitress outside of Trinity and The Pope was having a cigarette. Mark says “ask her, she looks like she would know where the nearest church is”.

“You think I look like I would know where the nearest church is?” she asked.

Mark backed off for a second. “No that’s not what I meant. We’re just looking for a church on Bond Street”. Then he doubled down. “But maybe you do know where it is. Maybe you’re trying to trick us, and keep the organ they’re throwing away”.

The waitress pointed to a building around the corner, saying she thought it might be a Mission of some sort. There didn’t appear to be an organ out front, so we decided that must not be it. We thanked her and moved along.

At this point I started to despair. I told Mark that it’s crazy to think there’s just a free organ sitting on the side of the road, for the taking. There was probably a band setting up, and they must have just left it there momentarily while they were loading in. And it was starting to get to be that every building looked like it could be a church. I picked up the pace when I saw a large, aging brick building. That must have been it. Unfortunately, when we got there, it was just an elementary school. We decided we couldn’t keep going on foot.

We walked back and got my car. Since this street is one way, going in the wrong direction, we went up Main St till about we hit the end, then came back down Bond, creeping along to make sure we didn’t miss anything.

We did find it. A Hammond organ. I’m no expert, but it looks old. The back had come off, and it looks like someone dumped a bag of asbestos in there, covering the tubes. The power cable had been cut. There was no way of knowing if this this still worked. It was clearly not going to fit in my little car, but ridiculous finds call for ridiculous measures. We planned to come back in the morning.

The next morning, Mark and Keith go and stand watch over it. After several failed attempts, Erin and I found a U-Haul in Asbury that rented me a brand new cargo van (barely 7000 miles on it). Lifting that thing took all 4 of us.

Right now it’s sitting on my porch, covered with a tarp. Eventually I’ll have to find someone who has some clue as to what goes on inside of these things. I sure hope they make house calls. Then I clear out a spot somewhere inside my tiny apartment. Look out for my all instrumental Hammond solo album due in fall of 2011.

 

Categories: Adventure