Nothing Was Delivered

If you’re like me and mostly listen to music recorded before Bonzo first went to Bitzburg you’ll probably notice that record labels believe you’ll keep re-buying the same albums as long as they keep “remastering” them. Remastering can, in some cases, lead to better sounding records, but it’s sadly become a cynical cash-in rather than a way of putting out better music. Columbia has released a remastered Dylan’s Love and Theft , which came out less than 10 years ago. I’m pretty sure that mastering technology hasn’t changed that much in the past decade.

The message I’m getting is that the record labels feel that no one knew how to properly master an album prior to about 2005. Or maybe this is all a conspiracy to explain the delay behind Chinese Democracy. I can only hope it’s the latter.

Do you remember that guy who kept insisting, loudly, whenever someone looked like they might have been having the least bit of fun, that Dec 31st 1999 was not the last day of the millennium? Instead, we had to wait until Jan 1st, 2001 for the new millennium to begin? He may have been technically correct, but mostly you just nodded until he stopped talking so you could go for another champagne and Jack.

By that logic, I have just hit my 30’s now. It seems strange. By most cultural measures, you could probably say I’m an adult. I’ve got a steady job, I’m in debt, and often buy cauliflower on purpose. So when my parents offered to take me out some place for dinner for my birthday, I thought maybe it’d be fun to go some place in the city. Some place fancy. I found myself thinking it’d be fun to dress up like a grown up and go to restaurant that doesn’t offer “buffalo” anything.

Of course it’s a bit silly to be 31 years old and still think it’s subversive to pretend to be an adult. But then I realized that what they don’t tell you when you’re a kid is that there’s no one thing labeled “adulthood”. It’s goal you eventually reach. It’s just a continuum and if you play your cards right you can end up finding a spot that’s comfortable for you. But that comes from trial and error more than anything.

Shortly after college, I fucked up an important relationship, in part because I had these terrifying notions of “growing up”, and what that would entail. I didn’t know how that happened to someone, but I I couldn’t abide any little instance of change, fearing that any given step forward would end in a mortgage and 2.5 kids. I had bought into the idea that just because most of the people I’d seen over 30 were empty shells, then settling into a stupefyingly dull middle age was as natural as puberty.

The reality is that there are different ways you can choose to live. You just need to stop being as much of a fuck up. Even if you find yourself in a situation that would have seemed unimaginable to the 14 year old you, it is essential to find your joy somewhere. You may feel encumbered by accidents of fate or piss-poor decision making, but there is plenty of beauty in this world for you to take with you. Hold on to that and you won’t feel old.

People find that not everything worked out for them as planned. Then they blame that on growing up. If only it were so easy. The truth is that that’s life. We all have challenges and regrets. The trick is to not get bogged down in old expectations. In the end, the only way to truly be an adult is to accept that there’s no such thing.

Not much time to blog today, but apparently you can watch Motorama, one of the great hero myth retellings of our time, in full on YouTube. Here’s the beginning (trust me, keep with it):

Good news for fans of infidelity and drinking during the day.

All the details released point to the fact that AMC likes having an award winning show on it’s roster, but doesn’t think it’s making enough money. Budget cuts, shorter episodes (so they can sell more ads) and even more product placement (which doesn’t make sense to me because the companies that hire SCDP usually end up looking like clueless idiots. Utz Potato Chips, I’m talking to you).

My question is why all the cost cutting/income maximizing? It’s going into Season 5. Did the other 4 lose money? Or is AMC now expecting this show to subsidize more of their other programming? For all the good press AMC gets for Mad Men and Breaking Bad, most of the time they’re still AMC, I guess.

Since we’re talking about it, what do they show when Mad Men and Breaking Bad aren’t on? I honestly have no idea. Do they still just replay Mr Mom every 2 hours?

Props to AMC for taking the risk with these shows. They had no idea if people would find their way to this backwater network to watch great television, but they trusted these creators and let them run wild. Now it’s paying off, and they’re trying to cash in. Lets just hope they don’t shoot themselves in the foot. Mad Men’s good because it’s well written. It’s popular because it’s cool. If Don Draper suddenly switches from gin to Mikes Hard Lemonade, it’s as good as gone.

Charles Schultz could be one depressing motherfucker.

Here’s some red pandas playing in the snow.

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I am terrified of tsunamis. Always have been. I know all the routes inland from Long Branch, Asbury Park, and Point Pleasant by heart. It’s something that will wake me up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, feeling the walls to make sure they’re still dry.

I have dreams of standing on the beach and seeing a wall of water 25 feet tall coming to wash these shores clean. Maybe it’s repressed Catholic guilt. Some sort of weird baptism fantasy. I don’t know. I should probably see somebody about that, right?

Turns out tsunamis aren’t really like that. There’s no giant wave crashing from above. But the reality is no less terrifying. It’s just unrelenting force, growing outwards from the coastline, plowing everything in it’s way.

This video is probably the craziest one I’ve seen yet from Japan.

I figured that at aged 60-something old Uncle Lou would have calmed down some, but I guess he still hangs with a pretty tough crowd.

So Daniel-san wants to defend the title he won in the first movie. But Mr Miagi refuses to train him, because karate is supposed to only be for self defense, not for trophies. But then an evil billionaire keeps humiliating Daniel until Mr Miagi changes his tune.

Isn’t that still just fighting over pride? The same thing as the trophy, pretty much? Sure they promised to keep coming after him, but didn’t it occur to him at all to call the police? No instead, they decide that they need to beat Cobra Kai (again) in the tournament (again), even though that’s what got them into this mess in the first place.

Beating these douchebags once caused them to declare all out war, so it’s likely that beating them again is just going to piss them off more. Meaning that in no way can this be called self defense. You’re just antagonizing them.

Maybe Miagi knows this. He’s a smart guy. Maybe it’s not about self defense at all. Maybe he’s just pissed off and wants to let these guys know who’s tough. At that point, he’s training Daniel for revenge. Which is the same as what the Cobra Kai is doing.

Karate Kid Part III is currently streaming on Netflix. It’s better with the Rifftrax.

Can you imagine if one day you walked into a bookstore (I know, people don’t do that any more. We’re imagining here. Bare with me) and you couldn’t find any works of, say, Shakespeare, because his decedents were given back copyright to his works, and sold them to Disney who decided that no one could publish any of his plays any more. They wanted to focus on “building the Shakespeare brand”, and the plays were too old fashioned. However, they did promise that the theme park would be awesome.

Seems crazy. For one thing, Kenneth Branagh would be out of a job. So would a thousand mediocre English professors. That would destroy the tweed sport coat industry. And on and on through the society. All this why? The author is long dead, and won’t care one way or another.

I’ve been thinking a lot about “intellectual property” and the way we value profit over ideas and creativity. And it just so happens that the day after I start a new blog, the NYT has an article that touches on a the idea of perpetual copyright.

First off, let me point out that IP law is not there to protect you. In it’s current incarnation, IP law exists to protect Time Warner. And Disney. And the few other multinational corporations that own most of the media we consume. These people literally own the bulk of pop culture like baseball cards stashed in a closet. And if there’s one common strand of DNA built into every big corporation, it’s it’s never give up what’s yours for free.

So every 20 years or so they grease up a few congress-critters and get copyright extended for another 20 years, and you’ll never be able to make your release your home movie remake of Enter The Dragon without getting sued. Some company owns the copyright to that movie and they’ll be damned if some punk kid is gonna take it out for a joyride without paying up. And now they want to claw back movies, songs, and books that have already gone into the public domain.

Of course, things don’t have to be that way. Copyright terms are by nature arbitrary, and most of society seems to feel that works of art are more important as resources to me mined than they are as commodities to be traded (see: AutoTune the News). People want more access to media, not less. We’re breeding a generation of half man/ half lolcat cyborgs, and then outlawing their behavior.

Think about the disconnect between our public discourse and the way regular people live. Music, movies, and ironic Alf tee shirts are our first language. So would we be better off with more toll collectors and less media? I doubt it, but the worst part is that the benefit of average people isn’t even part of the debate. Copyright law has been so twisted that Congress is now in the business of taking things that belong to the public and giving them to giant media corporations. Does this help society? I mean, it’s not like the money that goes to whoever owns the rights to Guernica
could be used for anything more productive, right? Or could it be that some kid not seeing this painting because their art teacher couldn’t afford a license will live a little duller life? And shouldn’t that count for something?